😁Facing myself

In the last blog, I was thingking about

What I want to do

What’s my dream

What kind of life I really live

when I finished writhing

I felt these thoughts were shallow.

It’s not the words from the bottom of my heart.

every words and phrases are too obstract

and used by so many people

not my original idea

I’d like to try it again, step by step.

in other words, with baby steps.

in my whole life, when or what kind of ocasion, I felt happy?

When my first baby has born, my daughter , Haruka.

I really remember the time.

that was my happiest time in my whole life.

I remember, baby Haruka was looking around this world with her lids opening with all her baby effort.

I hope my daughters will have happy long lives.

That is the my best wish.

On the contrary, I also think for my daughers, I must be happy , too.

I should not sucrifice my life even for their happiness.

I should live my long happy life.

that is also precious gift for them.

Do I think I’m happy?

I think so.

But also I can improve my level of happiness to solve lots of problems.

Sometimes I feel depressed.

When……????

Loneliness, my health, finacial problem ………..

I dont want to write about loneliness now.

So first I will think about my health.

I’m not healty enough, because of obesity and stress.

The worst reason is luck of exercise.

I’ve decided to go to gym. but it’s not enough.

I should do more houhold choes.

Clean the room. This activiti helps me to move around more and also gives me clean and cozy place to stay.

😆Do more houhold choes!!!!!!!!!!!

Vaccum the rooms, wipe walls, windows and doors.

🚮Declutter the things I’ve not been using for a while.

Oh, these are good exercise.

But decluttering is the most difficult thing for me.

I have lots of pretty outfits.

When I found a pretty and suitable one for me, I can’t help buying that not only one but two or three of one, including differnt colors.

Because I fear I will never meet such good outfit again.

Why…… I fear so much about having things……or losing things……….

there are many reasons that I can think about.

First my self esteem is low.

I don’t have enough confidence to be loved just being myself.

I should wear pretty clothes to be loved.

Second, my mother always makes my dress.

Now I’m independent and my mother is old.

So I , by myself, must choose and buy my outfits.

I have no confidence to choose suitable outfit .

What is suitable???????????

🥦To talk about healthy diet, thanks for my beautiful grand son, I’m doing well.

These days I like cooking , especially with lots of vegetables.

And also I owe base bread.

I enyoy cooking and eating !!!!